Approaches to Goal Getting

Popular lore surrounding New Year’s resolutions is that people remain committed to them for about three weeks before giving up.  Why do we struggle so much to stick with our goals? I think the answer lies in the way that we approach them. I’d like to discuss two different mindsets that we can adopt in the pursuit of our goals and how they can affect us.  I will use various examples but the concepts apply to any sort of goal:

In mindset A, we decide that we will be happy when we achieve a specific result.  When I lose 20 lbs, I will be satisfied, and I will be free to enjoy my life.

In mindset B, we set an intention and we focus on the journey rather than the destination, and we allow ourselves to enjoy the journey itself.  I’m going to eat healthfully today because it makes me feel more energetic, more balanced, etc.


In mindset A, we tell ourselves that we must do a specific things.  I have committed to exercising a certain amount of days per week, and it is now a duty/obligation that I must fulfill.

In mindset B, we tell ourselves that we are choosing to do a specific thing.  I get to decide where to focus my time and energy.  I’m choosing to move my body because I know that exercise has numerous benefits for my health and my health is important to me.


In mindset A, we engage in behavior because we hope to obtain external rewards from it.  When I am more successful in my career, I will get approval and attention from others.

In mindset B, we engage in behavior that aligns with our deeper values.  I am going to push myself in my career because the work is meaningful to me, because being able to take care of my family matters to me, etc.  We can still enjoy the external rewards, but they are not our driving force.


In mindset A, we choose a specific measuring mark and when we fall short of it, we see ourselves as failures.  My goal was to read for an hour every night and tonight I only read for 20 minutes, so I have fallen short.

In mindset B, we only record our progress.  We remember that every step in the right direction is a step in the right direction.  Yesterday I was able to take three big steps, and today I was only able to take one baby step, but I am still moving forward.  Success often takes a zigzag shape. Having an off day does not diminish my progress.


       With mindset A, our focus is on the future, which doesn’t exist; with mindset B, it’s on the present, which is where we actually live, and the only time where we have any control over anything.  With mindset A, we feel bound by our “shoulds”; with mindset B, we remember that we are the active agents creating our world. We decide what matters to us and we express it through our actions.

      With mindset A, we are prone to feeling guilty, even punishing ourselves, when we fall short of perfection (which will inevitably happen).  With mindset B, we focus on celebrating our successes, which creates more momentum. My personal and professional experiences have taught me that it’s not impossible to reach goals within an A mindset, but it is likely that you will feel tense, uptight, distracted, and disconnected from the present moment while doing so.  People who adopt a B mindset tend to stay excited and motivated, to persist longer, and to be happier and more balanced overall.   As always, the choice is yours.